A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat,,,,, Naturally,,,, the doctor asks him what happened,,,, ''Well,,, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough,,, there was my wife's golf ball,,,,,, stuck right in the middle of the cows butt. ''Thats when I made my mistake.'' ''What did you do?'' asks the Doctor. ''Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife,,, HEY, THIS LOOKS LIKE YOURS!!''
A guy wakes up in a drunken stupor,,, opening his eyes he sees Claudia Schiffer on the bed next to him. He thinks, this is a little odd,,,,, as he doesn't remember a thing,,, let alone going to bed with her. He decides to get up and get himself a drink from the fridge. He gets to the fridge and opens the door and is faced with a large suitcase. He takes the suitcase out of the fridge puts it on the table and opens it to find $1 million. This is just a little too much for a guy who thinks he is losing his mind. He wonders if he is hallucinating,,,,, so he goes to the window and draws back the blind. Outside on his front lawn is the Klu Klux Klan ,,,, and dangling from the tree is an open noose,, Empty. They appear to be beckoning him and shouting. Now the guy is Really Freaked out,,, he quickly draws the blind and turns around. In the corner of his kitchen is a leprechaun,, obviously drunk as well. He asks the leprechaun what is going on. ''Well,'' says the leprechaun,, ''I was drunk last night as well,,, and as I was crossing the road,, I was nearly run down. You ran across the road and pushed me to safety,, so I granted you three wishes in return for saving me''. ''Well,, I can guess the first one'' says the guy,,,, ''Supermodel,, Bed,, yeah I got that one,,,,, what about the other two?'' ,,,,, ''the money in the fridge?'' says the leprechaun,, ''You asked for a cool million.'' ''And them out there?'' asks the guy,,,,,, ''You said you wanted to be Hung like a Black Man''